Toffy,

I don't disagree with your friend's comments and recommendations, even if they were made half in jest. Nor is your resolve to be more transparent about who you are a bad commitment.

Humans and animals all sell themselves to others with displays of their attributes and prowess. There are peacocks in us all and for good reason. In the end, we choose to be with another person for a lot of reasons, most of which cannot be remotely conveyed in a Tinder bio.

If I want to get you to go out with me, I at least have to generate enough interest for you to agree to meet with me. I have to be reasonably attractive in the one or two photos I post, enough to get your attention. But there is a Goldilocks rule that enters into the scheme. I cannot show myself as Brad Pitt with a PHd or I will be passed over as someone who will not be true to you.

When I was doing online dating, I suppressed a doctorate because I did not want to seem too smart or unapproachable. I did not make overt misrepresentations, I just did not publish everything I had. If I augmented my profile with supposedly higher qualities or attributes, I invariably got less attention.

Marketing is part of life and relations - the person I want to be with is like me in some ways and not in many others. It is the latter attributes that I tend to value the most in someone - I don't want to date my clone.

Good article!