Yes, I think the term is often misused.

I had an ex GF who had a serious anger management problem. I mean not just with me but with others as well and often in public. Very embarrassing.

If we got into an argument (which was often), and if I left because of it (did not want to hang around for the physical abuse), she would accuse me of gaslighting her by leaving.

So, having seen the film several times ( a great one), I noticed that it was on TV one time and I invited her to watch it with me. I told her that the film was where the term came from and that she would understand the definition much better.

That did not help her understanding. She still accused me of gaslighting her whenever I left to avoid a huge donnybrook. I just was not accustomed to that kind of relationship.

I think her belief was that I should hang around to listen to scream theater and take a couple of fists in the back.

Gaslighting and Narcissism are buzz words these days and probably have been since at least 2016. There are plenty of people who exhibit the behavior and diagnostic criteria but I think things are often mislabeled. There are many differentials.

Reminds me of the joke about the psychiatrist who says to his male patient: “ my receptionist has an interesting diagnosis of you. She just thinks you’re an asshole.” ;-)